I had never noticed before how much women of my age talk about babies! When to have them, whether to have them, how all our friends are having them...every day! It's the first thing they ask when you meet somebody new - better than the 'what do you do?' that I used to get so cross about, I suppose - 'have you got children?'. And my reply is still 'no, just cats' but I feel like a fraud. But I can't tell people before we tell our families, can I. Today, one of the girls I was out with actually asked one of the other girls whether she was pregnant! (She was talking about giving up smoking) Fortunately she didn't then ask me because I can avoid the subject but not lie outright. In a way it will be better once I start to show, then people won't need to ask. I suspect I won't be allowed to talk about anything else then though!
Went to the doctor today too. It's all starting to feel real. He took an unnecessarily large amount of blood (in my opinion) but believed my stated blood group, which saved me 2000 yen. How can it possibly cost 2000 yen to find out what blood group somebody is?
Lisa at 8:12 pm
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Yesterday was funny. I was shopping with a friend, trawling the departos for work clothes for her. On three separate occasions she dismissed something as looking like maternity wear! One more time and I'd have burst and told her.
Lisa at 6:14 pm
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Oh dear, I am going to be such a rubbish mum. This baby isn't even an inch long and it's already been up a mountain, down a rollercoaster, had a skinful on more than one occasion, been to a rock festival (2 nights on a bus) and today I went and carried troughs of flowers for a friend! I keep doing stuff then thinking 'I wonder if I should be doing this?'! Still, the doctor said life as normal, so...
And next month it is going to Vietnam, where even the Lonely Planet says to be sure to be shipped out of in case of illness!
Lisa at 4:21 pm
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Falling asleep in the afternoons (even when Yolly is here hoovering upstairs!), ravenous at all times...I am finally starting to feel like this might be real.
Lisa at 4:40 pm
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Up and down and up and down...doctor was fine, everything's fine, we had a nice chat and I feel fine. tra la.
Lisa at 7:10 pm
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Blood. Just a little but scarey as I have (mild) cramps too. I am going to see the doctor at lunchtime but I got the distinct impression he thinks I am a neurotic woman. He's probably right (I mailed him in a panic last week. I can't remember what sparked it but I was convinced on friday that the baby was dead. Cameron convinced me it was my hormones playing up and I felt much calmer and happy over the weekend, until today.)
Lisa at 10:09 am
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The trouble with having a reputation as one who likes a drink, when you say 'just a coke for me' or 'I think I'll have iced tea', people notice and either look at you knowingly or start fussing around because something must be wrong!
Lisa at 3:05 pm
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Well I feel more worried now than I did before going to the doctor! Yesterday I was apprehensive about the doctor's visit, unsure what he might say (expecting him to laugh and say that of course I'm not pregnant, don't be silly). Instead, he was almost completely uninterested, and made me feel I was being stupid for coming to see him so soon. He believed my pregnancy test results and told me to come back in a few weeks for 'preliminary testing', whatever that means! Now, in theory I approve of the non-interventionist approach but if I was in America I'd be having a scan this week. I told him I had no idea what to expect, hoping he'd interpret this as me needing some reassurance but he didn't take any notice. I have no idea what the system is here (or at home, to be honest), what to expect or when to expect it. Fret fret fret. And I don't really know where to go for support. Oh, but he did tell me I could go to Vietnam but I have to be careful what I eat (because he didn't give me a Hep A jab) and extra careful of mossie bites (malaria). In the meantime, carry on as normal, eating whatever I like including sushi.
Lisa at 1:55 pm
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Did I say like waiting for christmas? Forget that, more like an exam or something scarey. I have this idea that the doctor tomorrow will laugh at me and say I'm being ridiculous, of course I'm not pregnant. I don't even know if going to the doctor is what one is supposed to do (it's what they do on the telly, I think) and have a feeling it could prove disgustingly, frighteningly expensive here. At least I have to go anyway, for travel jabs, so it won't be an entirely wasted trip. And the doctor is near the second-hand bokshop so I can console myself afterwards.
In the meantime I have evening nausea and horrible indigestion/heartburn. And in between, I am ravenous. I don't fancy chocolate (there is clearly something not normal; I can usually devour pounds in one sitting) and, last night at a dinner party, trying to seem normal, I had one sip of champagne and discovered that I'm off the booze too. It just didn't taste nice.
Lisa at 10:22 pm
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OK. Where to start. Well, I did a pregnancy test the day before yesteday - actually I did three, from two different manufacturers, because I am a scientist! Three positive results on I decided it might be true. Arg. It does, however, make some sense of the past week's weirdness, all of which I had put down to strange after-effects of climbing Fuji last weekend. Queasiness, shakiness, a stuffed-up nose and afternoon snacks (crisps and coke at 5 pm? Most unlike me, I never drink coke unless I really feel I need sugar - usually with a hangover!) Sweating in the heat even when everyone around me swears it is quite cool.
Cameron is pleased, I think - he's never one to articulate his feelings but he did grin widely which I took as a good sign. I bought him a book for expectant fathers yesterday (a jokey one, not one of those inch-thick, terriby serious American tomes). I am starting to wonder what a girl has to do around here to be bought flowers! Honestly.
A doctor's appointment on Monday. In the meantime I seem unable to sleep (hence up and typing at 7.30 on a saturday) which I expect is nerves and excitement. Mostly nerves. I do feel a bit like a kid waiting for Christmas, or like it's the morning of an exam. I don't *feel* pregnant, just slightly nauseous (but I often feel that way in the early morning). lf it wasn't for those three tests I wouldn't believe it.
Oh, and my sister's pregnant too - three weeks ahead of me! How weird is that. I am just sorry we are living so far apart - wouldn't it be fantastic to be together for this! Email is just not the same somehow.
Lisa at 8:06 am
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